A year ago today.

A year ago today, at this time, I was waking up the most petrified I have ever been. I was so close to death, yet I didn’t even know just how close and how much of a struggle and a fight the next few days were going to be to fight to live. To be quite honest, I didn’t want to live, I had grown so tired of fighting and did not want that any more, I just wanted to be peaceful and free of pain. The thing I was looking forward to the most from my operation was to not have to be in crippling agony and on the verge of literally crapping my pants, as the phrase goes, every single second. In all honesty, I was actually curious as to what it was like to live, not just breathe and tick over.

The past year has been such a roller-coaster and extremely hard. It has taken a lot of adjusting and willpower to get through it all and come out smiling. I still get my days where, to be quite honest, I wish none of it had ever happened, but then I think without it all, I wouldn’t even be alive, typing this right now and feeling the cool morning breeze float in through my window as the sun comes out and  hearing the birds sing. I wouldn’t even be able to get up after this, as I will be doing, then head to York for the day, it wouldn’t even be a possibility. I wouldn’t be looking forward to University, or looking forward to the future. Yes, life is hard, nobody said it was going to be easy, and boy, does it sure test us. As much as I may complain and be upset at times, I would not have my life any other way. I love Stacey more than life itself as she gave me life, she is my lifesaver.

Without a doubt, first off, I would not be here without my Dad. I will be forever thankful for his decision to force me to go to A & E 3 days before my operation, as much as I disliked him for it at the time 😛 Dad, thank you, more than you will ever know, for saving my life. That may sound dramatic, but it was you who took me there, and thanks to you, I was able to get the things I needed to make me just strong enough for the long operation ahead. Thank you for your endless support and watching ‘Dinner Date’ all those times in hospital with me and making me laugh! Mum, thank you so much for all your love, care and support. Thank you for the silly times in hospital that kept me sane (well, half sane!) and for all the times you have wiped my tears away and put up with me when I didn’t want to live any more. Tom, my amazing brother, thank you for being the least selfish and most caring teenager I have ever met, and for the endless hugs that made me stronger. I owe so much to my family, more than I could ever put into words, I will be forever grateful.

Here’s to the phenomenal surgeons, consultants, nurses and stoma nurses that gave me the best care I could have received. Without them, without a doubt, I would be not here.

Here’s to Meg Price, the most beautiful, courageous, kind and inspirational girl I have ever met. Your strength has made me strong and your smile and determination despite everything you have to put up with is extremely inspirational to me. You are amazing girl, never forget that.

Here is to Jade, the beautiful cadet nurse who has an ostomy. She looked after me before my operation and made things not quite as petrifying.

Here is to the two lovely stoma nurses who look after me and put up with my crazyness! Those ladies are just so amazing, more amazing than they know.

Also, here is to the beautiful Alison, who will never stop inspiring me. Sleep tight, angel.

And here is to the one & only Stacey! As much as you are full of poo and can be a pain at times, I would never ever be without you. ♥

I am now going to get ready to head off to York for the day! 🙂 Who thought this time last year that I would be able to even enjoy waking up on a morning, eh? 🙂

09.08.2011 ♥

OSTOMISM, NOT PESSIMISM™. 🙂