Emotional times.

2 Jul

So, as those who are close to me know, I’m having a rough time at the moment with one thing & another. I”m very emotional, down, feeling very self-conscious and rubbish about my changed body and don’t really know where to put myself. There is a few main issues going on at the moment, some personal and some medical. I am constantly feeling ill and weak, don’t have the greatest appetite, feel sick a lot and don’t sleep anywhere near as much as I should. I purely can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to…My head just hits the pillow and it’s like instead of the light switching off, it goes on, to its brightest setting, and its like there’s a moth just flying round and round like it won’t leave me alone, everything goes round my head bugging me.

On a personal level, I won’t say much apart from break ups are hard. That point ended right there, because, to be quite honest, anybody reads this and people make their own judgements, so I won’t give any details apart from it was for the best. Never the less, it’s damn hard. I have had a hell of a year this past year, and the last thing I want is to be feeling rubbish and ill. Looks like I may be heading back to the doctors once again sooner than I thought, when I get the guts (no pun intended this time).

Life is just as “normal” as it gets I guess, all the drama, all the sad times, and hopefully more of the good times, with a stoma…A lot more of the good times I hope. I haven’t even had much of a taster of the good times yet compared to my whole life, I am hoping. Yes, I still get fed up of it some days, and wish I could parade around with my stomach on show, but then, that’s never been me, so I just remind myself that. There will become a day when I’ll just think “sod it all” and march round regardless like I’ve always wanted to, regardless of who points or stares or passes a comment. Until then, I don’t have the confidence. I was getting there with my confidence, but it has been severely knocked recently. It is horrible. Some days I feel like I just want to give up… But I keep reminding myself that I’ve come so far..Just a pity anyone has to go through such hell in the first place.

I suffer from depression also. It’s a pain in the arse. No pun intended, again, man I’m good at this. I should be a comedian or something, not. I just seriously am not in the mood for any rubbish right now, I just need to know it will be all okay. For once, I want someone to stick around, and trust me to stick around too 😦

Truth is, right now, I’m really struggling. So if I appear quiet or short, I’m sorry, it’s not personal. I’m just going to have the guts here to say: Yes, I’m finding things very very hard, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand this… Just hope things get better, very soon. I surely deserve some happiness, right?

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5 Responses to “Emotional times.”

  1. iamfabx July 12, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment 😦 I’ve been having a tough few days too honey, hang in there. Things can’t stay bad forever and after all you have been through I’m sure only the best is in store for you for the future πŸ™‚ im not even going to tell you to ‘Stay positive’ because i know how annoying those two words are when your feeling like this! I mean, how are you meant to stay positive when only negative things happen constantly? Life is tough, but you’ve come so far and went through an amazing amount for a 20 year old to have gone through, Instead of being self-concious be fucking proud girl!!!! You’ve been through so much and your still here, don’t let anything stop you. I’d love to give you a hug at the moment because im feeling the same, and i know how lonely you are feeling. Seriously, email me and we can talk. ‘raiseawarenessibd@hotmail.com’ Stay strong girly it can only get better. -Alana:) X

    • staceystoma July 12, 2012 at 10:36 pm #

      Wow, this comment brought tears to my eye…Thank you girl! πŸ™‚ Dropping you a message now! πŸ™‚ x

    • staceystoma July 12, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

      It’s not letting me e-mail you! 😦 x

  2. iamfabx July 13, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

    Aw no ! 😦 try ‘iamfab08@hotmail.com’ instead πŸ™‚ x

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